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How Sleeping Apart Can Save Your Marriage

Sex Ed

How Sleeping Apart Can Save Your Marriage

The image and idea of a couple sleeping together has long been one of the main symbols representing unity, content and happiness in a relationship. After all, if you can’t share the same bed, what is there that you can share?

That’s the most popular opinion, at least. But what happens when sleeping together with your spouse becomes an inconvenience for one of you, or even both of you? Is it okay at that moment to opt out for separate beds, or even separate sleeping quarters? Still, most people you talk to would say absolutely not, and that does seem to be status quo nowadays.

However, today I’m here to explain why I think that is prejudice and nothing more, and whether you sleep together or apart doesn’t have to affect in a negative way at all. In fact, I’m of the opinion that it can bring a lot of good things to your relationship, and here’s why.

Snoring, Active Sleepers and Different Bedtimes

Many people don’t know this, but back in the day of our grandparents it was perfectly normal for a married couple not to share a bed, and they did so for numerous reasons. My grandparents are a fine example of this; they’re one of the happiest couples I know going on their 50th wedding anniversary in a few years, and during 49 of those they’ve slept in separate beds. Why? Simple; my grandpa is an avid snorer, and it was simply impossible for my grandma to get a good night’s sleep in the same room as him, let alone in the same bed.

Another reason why you might be considering sleeping apart is if one of you is what is called an active sleeper and has either done unintentional damage to the other person while unconscious, or is simply too frantic in his tosses and turns for their spouse to be able to stay asleep.

And perhaps the most common one these days is simply that you work opposite shifts sometimes, and so your biorhythms differ either slightly or significantly. In such a situation, it’s really good to have separate sleeping quarters so that each of you can go to bed and get up at your convenience, without disturbing each other.

Why Sleep is Important

Most couples that go through this problem bare it for years before they realize they actually have a problem, and this is due to how the importance of sleep is vastly underestimated in this country. A recent study showed that a third of Americans are constantly sleep deprived, and this is having a detrimental effect on their health.

A lack of sleep can lead to weight gain; it also messes with the insulin balance in your blood, raising the risk of diabetes and heart disease, and let’s not even begin to get into what it does to your mental focus and cognitive ability. Especially if you have children, being well-rested every day is paramount to conducting a successful romantic relationship.

Your Sex Life Doesn’t Have to Suffer

One of the most common reasons why people dislike the idea of sleeping apart is that they think their sex life will somehow diminish by doing so. And honestly, I really don’t see where people get this; the bed is far from the only place you can have sex.

Furthermore, I think that not sleeping together can actually enhance your sex life by taking away the element of routine. You’re no longer sleeping in the same bed, so you can take the action to other parts of the house. Use the opportunity to get imaginative and bring some unpredictability into your sex life, because as we all know, you can never get enough of that.


So, as you can see, sleeping apart can actually be pretty beneficial to your marriage. The number one priority is that both of you are getting as much sleep as you need to deal with everything you need to deal with during the day, and some modern-day prejudice that says you’re a bad couple because of it should be just ignored and left behind. I hope this article has been helpful and I wish you the best of luck!

Theresa Brawner – Theresa Brawner is a 28-year-old fitness instructor from Boston, MA, who writes articles for in her free time. When she isn’t helping new moms get back in shape, you can find her in the kitchen, working on new recipes.

Featured image courtesy of Theresa Brawner

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Theresa Brawner

Theresa Brawner is a 28-year-old fitness instructor from Boston, MA, who writes articles for in her free time. When she isn't helping new moms get back in shape, you can find her in the kitchen, working on new recipes.


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