Sex is such a deep rooted part of being a human, and I love that our society is growing more and more open about sex, what turns them on and what they’re happy to talk about with other people. It is so intimately connected to our psyche and we really have no reason to be ashamed about talking about it or having sex – but a lot of people really don’t know what they’re doing! Sex really can be an artform – it can take time to figure out especially with women and what will make them cum.
How Underrated Is Foreplay?
SUPER UNDERRATED!!! Women really need to be warmed up – it plays a massive role in whether she will orgasm or not. But take care – all women warm up differently. For example, a lot of women can have clitoral orgasms but it isn’t for me – I’m just too sensitive and it actually makes it harder to relax. So you really need to ask her what feels good to her, and maybe even ask her to show you, if you want to get it right and give her a mind blowing experience. Some examples include body strokes, breast massages, running your fingers around the opening of her pussy, gentle and slow strokes inside it, body kissing….. there is a lot that you can do. But too much foreplay or foreplay that is too rough can also be overstimulating and makes it harder. So go gently and tune into the signs of whether it’s turning her on or turning her off…. And ask her to give you directions!
Possible Reasons Women Don’t Get Orgasms
I wrote a blog not long ago about the pleasure spots on a woman and there are many more than men probably realize – there are five alone related to the pussy! Like I said earlier, not all spots work for all and it’s a bit of combination practice sometimes to figure out what someone likes.
Sometimes women are our own worst enemy too – a stressful day can make it infinitely harder to relax and tune into our bodies. On the flip side, sometimes men will also experience this although usually it results in them not paying attention to what the woman wants…. They’re just focused on getting what they need from sex, and forget sometimes that someone else is there that also wants to get off.
And sometimes, sadly, we let societal pressures get in our head. For some women, they don’t like sex – it feels dirty, they feel uncomfortable, they have this irrational notion in their head that lots of sex is bad. Maybe they’re fearful of how they will be perceived by their partner if they just let go, or explore their deepest fantasies, so it’s easier to just not have sex. And some women just don’t have a sex drive although honestly I believe that everyone has one to tap into – it all comes down to if you explore it the correct way.
Absolute Deal-breakers Guys Make During Sex
Doing something she is not comfortable with is deal breaker number one. Mind blowing orgasms rely upon a really trusting relationship, and if you’re trying to sneak fingers into holes you’re not allowed, or sticking tongues in her ears when it feels gross to her, it’s just not going to happen – sorry, not sorry.
Any time you play with a pussy with your fingers too the strokes should be soft and firm but please, for god’s sake…. Don’t act like you’re a diabetic in an insulin crisis desperately scooping ice cream from a tub. Don’t poke your finger in hard and consistently like when your phone refuses to hang up at the end of a call – no manic button pressing please. It feels horrible.
But other than that, if she’s down and you’re down, there aren’t really many general deal breakers. It will just be deal breakers specifically to her or to you, so just be open enough with each other that you can tell each other if you’re going somewhere you don’t want to go.
Ways To Heat Sex Up
Sex toys are the fucking bomb. You know how I said earlier that everyone is different, everyone gets off differently? There’s a sex toy for every possible combination out there. It took me four purchases to find my favourite and now, even though I struggle to come from sex, this toy will crack me in under two minutes consistently. I had my first double orgasm with it.
Just purchase according to the spots that you know feel the best for you. For me, I like penetration but found that a little bit of clitoral stimulation sent me over the edge – so I purchased a rabbit toy with a curve at the end to hit the A spot (the most important spot for me).
Keep an open mind too – sex toys aren’t just for women. There are incredible prostate toys out there for men, and I honestly think that all men should have a go at prostate play at some point in their life. It may not be for you, but if you find out it is…..well, you’re welcome in advance.
Roleplay is super fun, you can consider scripted vs unscripted. I personally find unscripted roleplay suits me best, but sometimes you do need a script in advance – especially if you’re a little more nervous about it. It will just take the improv pressure off so you can enjoy it more.
My personal way to spice things up – I am a food junkie, so let me eat food off your body and I’m a happy camper. There are so many ways you can put a twist on sex, just think about some of the things that you love to do and incorporate them. If you’re an outdoorsy type, go away for a naughty camping trip. If you love to be pampered, draw a bath together – fooling around in water is super sexy too. There will always be a way to incorporate what you love into sex, just get creative.
Tips For Solo Play
Honestly, again everyone is different. I generally need toys for masturbation because my favourite pleasure spots are deeper and toys just make it a hell of a lot easier to reach them…it means I don’t have to scrabble for them. I suggest taking some time to relax beforehand, stroke your body, warm yourself up before you go straight to masturbation – it honestly helps. And I love to think of fantasies, it really helps me get over that edge.
Charlie Forde is a very down to earth, goofy gal well known for the twinkle in her eye, her natural and toned body and her slight geeky side. She loves helping people to explore their sexuality, and shares a lot of information via her blog on her personal site. Lover of gin, dogs, the outdoors and video gaming, experiences with her are chilled, full of intellect and ultimately unforgettable.
Follow me on:
Charlie tours by invitation throughout the year, so contact Charlie if you would like a booking outside of her hometown of Brisbane.
Featured image courtesy of Charlie Forde
Like to be featured on SimplySxy? Drop us an email at editorial@SimplySxy.com!