Sex parties are some of my favorite events to attend – and not just for the orgasms! I love the open and free environment that these parties foster. There is always fun to be had and memories to be made, even if you don’t end up getting frisky on that particular night. Plus, the people I’ve met at sex parties are some of the most friendly, open, creative, and wonderful people I know. And as far as the sex goes – there are endless opportunities to try new things, play with new people, and fulfill fantasies!
How Sex Parties Are Organized
It depends on who’s organizing them and where they’re held. Usually they are organized by a core team of 2-5 people, with some extra volunteers if necessary. The ones I’ve been to are non-profit, community based events, so most attendees help out with things like set up, music, bringing food and drinks, or clean up. There is usually a Facebook event for them, as that’s an easy way to share information and keep everyone updated.
As far as accessibility goes, these are private, invite-only events. Usually the organizers invite people they know from the community, and often those invited are allowed to bring a friend or two along, but it depends on the size of the space and the rules of the party. It’s important that everyone at the party feels safe and comfortable with each other, and that everyone can be trusted, which is why there are never public open invites.
This doesn’t mean that these parties are impossible to attend though! If you make an effort to get to know people in your city through Fetlife (the BDSM social network), swingers communities, clubs, or even burner communities, you will probably start hearing about local events in no time.
What Typically Happens At A Sex Party
There’s always such a wonderful variety of interactions happening at sex parties, so I wouldn’t say that there’s anything really “typical”. From cuddling and dancing, to massages and Shibari, to wild foursomes and intense Master/slave play. At the first sex party I ever attended, one of the first interactions I saw was a 5’4” woman flogging a 6’2” man for 20 minutes straight!
I had one of my most memorable experiences later that evening – I was naked on a mattress in the middle of a room, giving a blowjob to someone. People started asking if they could join us and/or touch me, and next thing I knew I was also giving a hand job, receiving oral sex, and being touched by 5 or 6 people in total. I lost track of who’s hands were who, and it was really overwhelming in an absolutely wonderful way!
Basic Sex Party Rules To Follow
I’ve been to sex parties at a variety of places, including private apartments, BDSM dungeons, and rented event spaces. There are always some basic consent rules that can be summarized into “don’t touch anyone, initiate sexual acts, or escalate a sexual situation without getting clear verbal consent first.” There is a zero tolerance policy for breaking that basic rule at all of the parties I go to.
There are also sometimes rules around sobriety – many people choose to have a couple drinks, but getting heavily intoxicated is at the very least looked down upon, and at the most a violation of rules.
Some parties also use the PAL (Pervy Activity Liaison) system. In this system everyone must have one or two PALs at the party who are decided on in advance. PALs must know and trust each other, and arrive at the party together. You are responsible for your PAL’s behavior and they are responsible for yours, so if anyone violates the rules both (or all three) PALs will be held responsible. This helps keep everyone responsible and ethical, and prevents people from bringing along that one friend they worry will break the rules.
Tips When Attending A Sex Party For The First Time
I think it’s easy to get nervous and intimidated if you are attending an event like this for the first time – so just relax! People I’ve met at sex parties tend to be the most kind, friendly, and welcoming people I know. Don’t be afraid to ask questions, and definitely don’t feel like you have to jump into anything you’re not ready for yet!
I also really recommend volunteering to help decorate, organize, or set up, if that is something that is needed for the event you are attending. It’s a great way to get involved and meet people before the event starts. I helped decorate the space before the first sex party I attended, and not only was it fun, but it really helped me feel comfortable in the space and with the people.
Lucy Huxley is a cam girl, model, and porn performer based in Berlin, Germany. She is a polyamorous Domme, hedonist, and feminist. She currently produces ethical porn with her partner Hunter S. Johnson. Follow Lucy on:
Upcoming Works: My partner Hunter and I have a very special project coming up in June. Make sure to follow us on Twitter for updates!
Featured image courtesy of Shutterstock, all other images courtesy of Lucy Huxley
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