My sexual self is a big component of my identity, and one that I love to indulge in. Sex for me can be a means of receiving intimacy and comfort, a form of release and stress-relief, or simply a fun way to pass the time. My work is an extension of my sexual identity, and one that satisfies me on a number of levels. Of course, in a work context I am catering to whatever purpose sex serves for my clients, whether that’s one of learning and experimentation, of overcoming fears and insecurities, or of receiving touch and human-connection. But I think that there’s a general misconception that sex is always special or significant and ends (or should end) in a raging orgasm. There needs to be more of an acknowledgment that sex is never always or even ever this for some people, but that open communication and great consent practices are vital if we wish to strive towards positive sexual experiences for everyone.
What Is The Girlfriend Experience?
The girlfriend experience centres on intimacy, and I think a major tenant is ‘authenticity’. Clients want to know that you’re enjoying yourself just as much as they are, that you’re not there just for the money, and that you truly care about them in that moment. My GFE includes deep French kissing and mutual oral – most of my clients adore giving head and will do so for most of the session. My body is very sexually responsive and this enables my clients to experience the interaction as a mutually pleasurable experience, which certainly isn’t a necessity for me to enjoy a session but is something that my clients value. They love to know they have made me come. My sessions also commonly include extended make-outs and cuddling, and my clients often share personal feelings, insecurities and other concerns, especially related to their sex life and relationships.
Popularity of The GFE
The GFE is very popular because people want and need intimacy and human connection. I don’t wish to construct or support a hierarchy that puts the provision of intimacy above the provision of sex, but I think that the act of sex is perhaps more accessible to clients (through sex work or other means) than access to intimacy, making an ‘authentic’ intimate service one that is highly valued. Sometimes it has been a long time since my client has felt sexually valued or capable, or they haven’t ever had an opportunity to express what they want and take their time without the anxiety of performing for an expectant lover. The GFE can be a safe container in which people can be vulnerable in this and even work through their hang-ups.
There is a fine line between fantasy and reality, and I think GFE (or at least the way I approach it) blurs this line. Connecting with a person is connecting with a person, but it is important for clients to understand that it is still a service, and that our relationship exists within the confines of the session for which I have been paid. Other workers might construct a clear distinction between a GFE and PSE (porn star experience) service, but although I would describe my service as exclusively GFE it also includes tenants of a PSE should my client desire it. Often my clients and I have very energetic sex, with multiple positions including those that are less face-to-face, body-to-body intimate (for example, doggy style). For this reason I sometimes describe my service as a ‘sexy’ or ‘dirty’ girlfriend experience to flag that this kind of sex is also on offer. I don’t offer anal penetration or natural services, but these are personal boundaries that do not only apply to my GFE but to all of my service-styles and sessions.
Preparing For An Intimate Experience
I experience the time spent with my clients as a container in which everything in my personal life falls away. This is important to ensure I am in the moment and can truly devote my focus towards my client and the sexual experience at hand. If I am very stressed or sexually exhausted this becomes more difficult, but that comes down to self care and whether I am managing my own emotional and physical needs in a personal context. I need to cultivate my own mental health and gather my ‘spoons’ in order to be able to give in the capacity that I do with my clients, as it takes a lot to be so sexually and emotionally vulnerable with people who are essentially (or at least begin as) strangers.
Marina Lee is Melbourne’s most authentic escort experience, porn performer and sexual politics geek. She has a penchant for hair, hedonism and kink, and adores connecting with new people.