This is a call that we often get. Potential clients will phone and say: ‘Your website looks really genuine. I am looking for a genuine tantra massage.’ I usually then ask: ‘What do you you mean by a genuine tantra massage?’ And the questioner often doesn’t know what to say. Sometimes they will say things like: ‘an internal orgasm’, or ‘learning to extend ejaculation’, but the majority of the time, they really do not know.
And on our side, we find that however much potential clients may ask for so-called ‘genuine’ tantra massage, as soon as they are on the massage table, they start trying to grab the masseuse, they want to touch her everywhere, or begin to ask the usual questions like ‘ Do you get turned on by this?’ or ‘What made you become a tantric masseuse?’ or ‘Do you have a boyfriend?’ etc. And at the end, after experiencing the most mind-blowing experience, rather than allow themselves to sink into the feeling of total relaxation, they will feel they need to make conversation and ask questions like: ‘Are you busy these days?’ or say: ‘I must rush to my next meeting, don’t have time for a head massage at the end.’
It is interesting that once a man is lying on our massage table, and naturally feeling open and vulnerable, so many of his subconscious feelings will come to the surface and he becomes an entirely different person. He may get into his fantasies and start calling the masseuse all kinds of different names, become quite gross and vulgar, declare his undying love, or his need to the masseuse, start reciting poetry or call her by intimate pet names or the names of past lovers and re-enact past scenes in his life.
I used to have a client many years ago, who used to tell me the same story week after week. At the beginning of the massage, he would tell me that before coming for his appointment, he would take out a girl friend in the car and they would make love inside the car which was parked in a park, with other people outside watching. Sometimes there would be a second girl friend there too and they would have a threesome. I got treated to all the details, week after week. It was obviously his way of getting turned on.
Now, you may say: ‘That is not tantra massage.’ But from my point of view, I am trying to give a meaningful experience to anyone who would like to come here. It doesn’t mean that we don’t have our limits, but the mind is very complex. And people often think they want one thing, but it turns out that they need something entirely different.
From my point of view, tantra does not include fantasy. The idea is to be totally within oneself and not need the aid of imagination or fantasy to feel our feelings. If one is able to let go of all mental thoughts and preconceptions, the inner sensations can be felt so intensely, sometimes they are even overwhelming. But how many people are able to let go of their habitual thoughts and remain empty of thoughts? How many people even understand the need to do so? How many of our clients have a meditation practice?
So that is where the question: ‘Is this a genuine tantra massage?’ becomes meaningless.
It all depends on the understanding and experience of the practitioner, and also of the person receiving the massage.
At the end of the day, we have no expectations of our clients. They pay their money and they are entitled to receive a treatment which leaves them feeling better, more fulfilled, lighter and happier. If they want to get something off their chest, that is fine. If they want silence, that is fine. If they prefer to listen to their own music, we will play their own music.
But for us, it is always rewarding when the person who gets up once the massage is over, and gets dressed and leaves, is more or less the same person as the one who was lying on the massage table 30 minutes earlier. The Jekyll and Hyde experience can be unnerving. Although clients are encouraged to feel free and totally themselves, we really do our best to explain our understanding of tantra to them, if they are interested.
Part of tantra is simply being authentic, real and integrating one’s personality. Not playing games, but being true to oneself. Being the same person, whether you are feeling turned on, or simply going about your everyday life. Remembering who we truly are at all times—the genuine ‘ME’.
In the same way, our masseuses are real, genuine people. They will not play games with you. They will not pretend to be in love with you, or to be turned on by you, they will not manipulate you or whisper sweet nothings in your ear. And because they are well-trained in the art of genuine tantra, they will respond to you in an equally authentic way. We hope that this spirit of authenticity is catching and that hopefully, some genuine aspects of tantra will be communicated in these subtle ways.
Featured image courtesy of Shutterstock
Images courtesy of Tantric Massage London
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