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BDSM Lifestyle – Why I Love It

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BDSM Lifestyle – Why I Love It

I’ve read some opinions on the internet lately that claim that BDSM and such kinks are “abusive” or “fuel a hatred towards women,” which I honestly don’t understand. Because, for one, that assumes that every BDSM dynamic consists of a male dom and a female sub, which is not true. Secondly, I don’t see how someone’s preferred sexual experience has anything to do with abuse – as long as everything is consensual and both parties are enjoying themselves, as should be the case for all types of sex, there is no problem.

Most of this harmful rhetoric seems to come from “feminists” – more specifically, SWERFs (sex worker exclusive radical feminists) – who think that the entire porn industry is bad, all sex work is exploitative, etc. Those are such terrible generalizations to make, and I personally don’t like when people put down others for their kinks. BDSM, of course, is not for everyone, and that’s fine, but to write it off as “abusive” is offensive to all those who do practice it. BDSM can be abusive, yes, like all other sexual relationships, but it is not inherently so.

I, personally, love sex of the kinkier variety. I love the intensity, the passion, the role play, everything about it. I haven’t had the chance to experiment with it much, seeing as I’ve only had one sexual partner, but it is definitely something I hope to be an aspect in all of my sexual relationships. I’m a complete sub, though according to a BDSM test I’ve taken before I’m 55% switch, and I like my partners to be dominant.

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How My Interest In BDSM Developed

I’m honestly not really sure. I think I just…knew. Ever since I was a child, I would play games involving role play (not of the sexual nature – I guess you could say it was more like live action role play), I liked being in the more submissive roles. I liked having things done to me, I liked the sense of not having control. And then around the time when I was discovering my body through masturbation, some time around middle school, that’s just what I leaned towards.

I think, for me, because I’m such a dominant person in my general life – I’m extremely opinionated, stubborn, prefer to be in control, etc. – when someone can dominate me, sexually, it is very appealing. It’s, in a way, sort of a relief to let go and let someone else take control. The psychological aspect of it – especially the communication part – totally gets to and subdues me and it’s an incredible feeling. Not to mention that rough sex tends to feel better and more exciting.

Where I Enjoy Pain

To be honest, I’m not super into the sadism/masochism part of BDSM as I have low pain tolerance. However, I do enjoy simple things like spanking, light choking, hair pulling, biting, and nipple clamping. So I guess my ass, because pain there usually isn’t too bad, and any other part of my body as long as the pain isn’t too intense.

There Is A Lot More To BDSM

Like I mentioned earlier, it’s not for everyone, but you can’t know if you like it or not unless you try it. There are so many aspects to BDSM and so many things for each party involved to enjoy. If you don’t like pain, try some bondage. If you can’t stand being tied up, follow a simple sub/Dom dynamic of obeying or issuing orders. You don’t have to go all out to enjoy BDSM; it can be as simple as saying “yes sir” when your Dom asks you to bend over or receiving a few disciplinary spanks from time to time. It can also be as complex as you want – handcuffs, blindfolds, ball gags, spreader bars, whips, paddles, etc. You can even have your Dom pick out what outfits they want you to wear each day or set rules for you (especially if you’re into the dd/lg dynamic); it can be full role play all the time if you want.

There are so many different directions you can take with BDSM and so many scenarios you can play out. You’re bound (no pun intended) to find something you like. There are also endless amounts of outfits and toys you can find specifically for BDSM and power play. Whether it’s dd/lg, teacher/student, master/slave, cop/criminal, boss/employee, it’ll at least be interesting to try something new, and you might be surprised by what you like.

My Favorite BDSM Play

Unfortunately I haven’t had a chance to delve too deep into BDSM practices, but I’ve gotten a taste of a few different things. My favorite thing is perhaps the most simple – the sub/Dom dynamic. Even without restraints or other fun toys, just having someone control me, be rough with me, call me things like a “slut” or “whore” – words I would otherwise not appreciate – really gets me going. Commands, dirty talk, explaining exactly what they’re doing to me. I also really love to be bound and at the mercy of someone else; it’s amazing to just forfeit control and have increasing suspense as they do whatever they want to you.

Are Orgasms Stronger During BDSM Play?

Hmm, I actually never really paid attention to this. I would assume so, because every other sensation is more intense and I’m often more into it when BDSM is involved.

Safety Precautions During BDSM Play

That was the one mistake of my only sexual relationship – we didn’t have proper precautions and safety measures in place. But I have learned a lot from that experience about what I need to do in the future. The use of a safe word I think is definitely the most important thing, especially when you’re someone, like me, who has a habit of saying “no” during sex when you don’t actually want to stop. Something really silly or weird so that it wouldn’t normally pop up during sex conversation.

Communication is definitely key. You should always have an understanding of your partner’s limits, what they like, what they don’t like, what arouses them, what gets them off, etc. Asking for permission does NOT interrupt the flow of sex; it’s actually really sexy to ask your partner “Do you like this?” as you try new things or push limits. Also I think aftercare is really important in making sure your partner is okay and helping them relax, especially after really intense sessions.


CapriKitty – I am a MFC webcam model, ACE certified personal trainer, and aspiring singer, actress, and model. Social justice advocate, supporter of equality for all, intersectional feminist, and vegan. Sex positive, body positive, and pro nudity. Just a small town girl from the northeast US with dreams so big they make most people uncomfortable. Follow me at:

Twitter: @caprikittymfc

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Capri Kitty

I am a MFC webcam model, ACE certified personal trainer, and aspiring singer, actress, and model. Social justice advocate, supporter of equality for all, intersectional feminist, and vegan. Sex positive, body positive, and pro nudity. Just a small town girl from the northeast US with dreams so big they make most people uncomfortable.

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