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I think about other men when I have sex with my husband


I think about other men when I have sex with my husband

Have a question on your mind about sex or seeking advice? Ask us on any topic and we’ll provide you with the answers from an expert. Send them in to

For today’s questions, we’re delighted to have sex educator Darleen Proud share her answer below.

A female reader wrote in saying that she thinks about other guys whenever she has sex with her husband and feels guilty about it. What can she do to remove these thoughts?

This can be difficult… firstly, do not mention this to your partner, fantasies are a very personal thing and some are best kept to yourself. If you tell him, self-doubt can eat away at him and could potentially destroy your relationship.

When you first met him, what was it that attracted you to him? Was it an all over admiration? Or more specific like beautiful eyes, a great smile, toned shoulders…? Are there things you have grown to love about him?

Close your eyes and concentrate on those things so they generate good feelings about him in your mind.

When you are having sex look at or touch those things that you love. We have all heard that we have to be ‘in the moment’ as much as we can, it is especially important now!

Failing that, accept that you think about other guys and stop feeling guilty. Life is too short. If the sex you have with your husband is enjoyable and you have orgasms and feel loved and satisfied, enjoy it and fantasize away!

Visit Darleen’s profile below and all the links to her website

Her course for Guys who want to have sex more often…

Coupon for 50% off her Udemy course – Bedroom Skills for Guys… become a legend in the bedroom.


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Darleen Proud

Healthy sexuality education is my passion. How did you learn about sex, how to navigate relationships and intimate sexual situations...? My Name is Darleen Proud these days... for a while I was Darleen Rankin and I was born Darleen Irwin, in Sydney Australia. I grew up in a great family environment, there were no tragedies to speak of and my parents remain happily married to this day. The eldest of 3 kids, I was my parent’s first chance to try out their skills. I think they did a pretty good job! I could not wait to leave school, I finished year 10 and never went back. I have worn many hats in my 40 odd years of life and in work. While I was growing up, I always felt older than my birthdays indicated and my interest in Human Sexuality has been there for as long as I can remember... I have two fantastic daughters, now teenagers, and enjoy the challenge of parenthood, I married an amazing man a couple of years ago, who shares my motto… Life is an Adventure! I have been involved in relationship building in a business sense for many years, and found those skills easily transfer to teaching and helping people with their sexuality. Having completed my Master of Health Science – Sexual Health at the University of Sydney, I have created a blog and I’m working on several books and webinars for all kinds of people to become more informed about a range of sometimes difficult topics. The books and webinars will be fun and informative, working on many facets of life. Your sexuality is only a part of your life balance, but it is an important part. The books and webinars will help you feel better about yourself and your comfort with your sexuality and relationships, and give you a better global understanding of human sexuality. I look forward to sharing those with you. If you would like me to keep you up to date on what is happening in the often taboo world of Human Sexuality, like my Facebook page. It's great to have you hear, I do hope you enjoy reading my blog and my book. Let me know if there is anything in particular you would like me to write about. You can email me through the contact page. Warmly Darleen


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