You’ve read it all – articles that talk about how to make your man happy – 15 steps, 10 ways, 5 great ideas. All these advice are good, but sometimes it pays to go back to the basics.
Men are visual beings. After a long and tiring day at work, what does your man see when he comes home and open the door? How do you rejuvenate him for the evening, so he has the energy and patience to listen to the family’s stories during dinner, tutor the kids or even help out with the dishes, instead of vegetating in front of the couch?
The secret? Organize your home.
Yes, you heard rightly. This is not some quack advice. An organized home affects us women on every level – physical, emotional, and mental. And that, in turn, affects our ability to meet our husband’s 5 basic needs and nurture the marriage. As the saying goes, “happy wife, happy life”.
So how does an organized home meet the 5 needs of men?
Psychologists at St Lawrence University, New York (link), shows that a cluttered room disturbs our sleep, and makes us more tired. It can increase stress, cause depression and slow down our thinking.
Fengshui, or geomancy (if you believe in it), says that clutter is bad for our health too, because energy cannot flow in the house (link). In fact, fengshui says items stored beneath beds block the energy flow so we can’t get a good night’s sleep.
There’s nothing more fundamental to our health and well-being than sleep (link). When we get quality rest, everything else is within reach. But when we’re stressed, tired and short of quality rest, romantic notions goes out the window. And with it, all the action in the bedroom.
So smart women listen up! Keep your bedroom sexy by keeping it tidy and clean. You want to enjoy touching your man and meeting his needs instead packing the room, or worse, nagging and pushing him away. If you’re organized, it won’t take much to maintain the tidiness, giving you time and energy to bring sexy back.
The average messy person loses 55 minutes a day looking for things. That’s 55 minutes of quality time you could’ve spent cuddling with the hubs after the kids are tucked into bed. Or 55 minutes more of “date time” with him. Or even 55 minutes to bake a cake together “just because”.
And when your home is organized, you won’t be bombarded with excessive visual stimuli (in the form of clutter), so it’s easy to get into a relaxed mood. You want to spend time with your man, talking about the day, not about the mess. You want to be seen enjoying what he likes to do, focus on what he is good at doing, instead of always being in the “corrective” mode of how the mess is piling up and how he should not have tolerated it. Your senses can now turn on to meet your man’s needs because there are no constant visual reminders of work to be done.
Are you and your family having just coffee for breakfast or eating out every weeknight? Do you find it hard to cook because your kitchen counter is overflowing with kitchen equipment and food? Or is it difficult to pick out the ingredients you need from cupboards and drawers overstuffed with junk (including the hub’s football kit)?
If you feel that all the eating out is making you fat, IT IS. In his latest book, “Lose the Clutter, Lose the Weight“, Peter Walsh shares a simple premise – your home is a reflection of the state of your body. If you live a frantic lifestyle, and your kitchen clutter is out of control, your eating habits, diet and weight will suffer.
We can pay thousands of dollars each year for gym membership to work off the junk food we’ve stuffed into our bodies, or choose the more cost-effective route – by eating well. Want some organic, gluten-free, carb-free lunch or dinner to melt the pounds? No need to go to a fancy schmancy cafe – it’s right there in your kitchen. When your kitchen is organized, and the countertops free from clutter, you can find everything you need to make a tasty and healthy meal.
A well-organized kitchen also speaks volumes about the woman working in it. As men are visual beings, they look at a woman and the surrounding as a whole. A sexy woman in a really messy environment may not be a turn in a man’s eyes, and definitely does not appeal to the rational, analytical minds of men. Our point being, a woman looks prettier and more attractive in a neat environment which does not steal the “limelight” (whether positively or negatively) from the woman.
Speaking of cooking – you don’t have to slave over the stove to do it. One the coolest ideas we discovered recently is rice-cooker recipes. Do you know that your humble run-of-the-mill rice-cooker can handle everything BESIDES rice? Stews, curries, pot roast, mac and cheese, oats, steam vegetables, even cakes and breads can be done in it. It’s literally one-pot, no-mess, zero-monitoring meals for breakfast, lunch and dinner – no sweat or grunting necessary. Better yet, get one of those portable mini rice cookers and make your husband feel like a million bucks (and the envy of his colleagues) with a home-made lunch packed with love and nutritional goodness.
With the time saved from cooking, and money saved from visiting the gym, you can gift yourself a pampering session at the salon, get some lingerie for your new slim bod and wow the hubs when he gets home!
Imagine this – your man steps into the house, and he smells the delicious wafts of dinner; your eldest kid is plating up and garnishing the stew, while the younger ones are setting the table; he kisses you on the cheek and asks “what’s for dinner, hun?”
Fantasy? Well, it is possible – start with getting your home organized.
When our homes are in order, many other things will fall into place:
- No more time wasted looking high and low for things.
- The house is easy to clean, so the kids stay healthy.
- The family has a space to hang out, help out with homework and play games.
An organized home reduces our stress levels (link) because:
- We no longer feel guilty about not providing a clean and tidy home for the family.
- We no longer feel frustrated when kids (or the hubs) ask “where is the….?”.
- We no longer feel anxious or feel that there’s a lot of work to get done.
- We can focus on the task at hand rather than being distracted by excessive stimuli (aka mommy-brain).
Overall, we’d feel better about ourselves as wives and moms. As a result, we have more emotional and mental bandwidth to tackle the daily challenges that comes our way, and be more patient and loving towards the kids and our long-suffering spouses.
Imagine a home with no yelling, cajoling, or bribing; where your husband enjoys peace and quiet after a busy day at work. Imagine him eager to coming home every night instead of making lame excuses to work overtime in the office. Imagine him coming home feeling ready for to fulfill his latest fantasy with you. Now that’s gonna earn you some major brownie points, and make him feel so proud (and fortunate) that he married you!!
When hard-pressed and stressed out, we women tend to feel negative towards the circumstances and the people around us, and inevitably it comes out in our speech.
Getting your house organized isn’t only about making it look physically pretty – it’s also going to make you feel more in control and hence, less stressed out about circumstances around you or what your hub does/doesn’t do. We like to call that mental bandwidth.
Admiring and loving words come easily when we have the mental bandwidth to think about what we’re going to say, before we say it. Sometimes, a mere 2 seconds makes the difference between grudging compliance and eager helper.
So instead of phrasing a simple take-the-trash-out request as a tit-for-tat math equation (“I’ve slaved over dinner, can’t you just do a simple thing and take out the trash?!”), we can appeal to his helpful side with, “Hun, would you be a dear and take trash out?”.
And if you’ve organized the kitchen so the empty trash bags are next to the trash bin, it’s easy for him to line the bin with a new trash bag after removing the filled one. You can’t help the hubs to remember all the steps, but you certainly can line them up for him, and save yourself some nit-picking frustration! He will feel so accomplished that he did the task perfectly, when actually you made it easy for him to do so!
So, the bottom line? Get organized, and get back your time, mental clarity and energy, so you are able to work on meeting his needs. As for the age-old adage, we’d change it to, “happy wife, happy husband, happy life”.
Written by Cindy Leong in conjunction with Professional Organiser, San from Edits Inc.
Featured image courtesy of Shutterstock
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