“I love you, but I have to let you know that, I have STD. Would you mind?” Be prepared for a cold shoulder and a sour relationship after you mention this to him/her in such a manner.
What kind of reply do you expect? If the person says “yes”, he/she looks like a jerk. If the person says “no”, you seriously doubt if this is just a cover up answer. In either way, the relationship will never be the same again.
Having counselled many clients who asked me the same question, and have even been through this at some point in my life, I only have one answer for them: timing and attitude is the key to this. You cannot reveal this too early or too late into the relationship. Too early will mean the partner can have an easy way out. What I meant by “easy”, is not just in terms of physical commitment, but it is also emotionally easy. Attachment is not so great and thus it is less painful to leave this relationship.
Bringing it out too late in the relationship leaves the partner with no choice. He/She has already given in too much to leave the relationship. The partner may take it negatively and feel cheated after the moment of truth. And of course, putting it across in an acceptable manner is important.
How do we know when is the right time? It can be an internal struggle between integrity and the need to be accepted. Trust me, the person in subject doesn’t feel good at all.
First, you have to be sure that this relationship is genuine and your partner does want to have a future with you. The intention has to be clear. It also shows that you have what it takes to be in a long term relationship with him/her and this truth that you are about to reveal WILL seem significantly less important. Before it gets serious, it is a good time to mention this to him/her. You are doing this out of consideration and you feel that it is important that he/she knows this before moving on.
“I really love you and want to be in a serious relationship with you. But there is a medication condition I have to be transparent to you. I had (this STD) (how many years) ago. It is no longer affecting me and it will no longer do, except when it comes to (certain times, i.e. child labor). I just need to be transparent with you, not because I need your sympathy, but I want to tell you that I made my fair share of mistakes in the past and I am not happy with the way it turned out. I hope you will still love and accept me the same way.”
This should do the magic. Of course, sincerity is always needed. Finding the right one is never easy. I do hope that if you have found this man/woman who will still accept you despite what you have mentioned, treasure this love.
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