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Declutter for a better sex life

Sex Ed

Declutter for a better sex life

Death of the Bedroom and Bedroom Blues is when your bedroom becomes cluttered or overwhelmed with the things of daily living to distraction until your interest in intimacy and sexual desire is slowly diminished. All the distractions create a slow depressed mode of blues, and a certain case of no sex, lack of sex, dysfunctional sex, and or low libido, which intensifies into bedroom death. Here are some tips to help you. These 5 preventive techniques should be implemented for 90 days, or 3 months. It will take discipline, agreement and sacrifice and compromise. The benefit is a healthy, holistic change to transform your sex life and maintain your relationship.

There are rooms in your house which are for certain daily functions and activities. A living room, is aptly called a living room because it was made to be the room where living is done, meaning a place to lounge, and do mundane everyday things alone or with other members in the house. It is usually denoted as a communal space. There are some people who insist on sleeping on a couch in the living room; perhaps it’s due to the living space being more inviting for sleep than the bedroom. For we have took certain habits and activities in the bedroom that are not intended for our bedroom space. Entertain this thought for a moment, the bedroom was made for two things, sleep and sex.

The bedroom needs to be a place of rest, and or pleasure. My advice to couples in a mode of sexual stress*, sexual dysfunction, or any type of sexual dilemmas or crisis is to eliminate the distractions in your bedroom. Remove all external components not necessary for procreation [if this is a goal], intimacy, spiritual connection, relaxation which leads to sleep, and or interferes with your sexual desire.

When you allow such things as a T.V. or game console or other electronic devices, into the bedroom it immediately becomes a divider between you and your partner. Your sleep patterns and definitely your passion in the sheets are disrupted. All the distractions lead to a case of the bedroom blues; eventually sexual frustration. A simply solution is easy if you build the discipline.

I will concentrate here on sexual pleasure as the main focus. Therefore, it is pivotal to construct boundaries, i.e., what things are not permitted in the bedroom space that distract your attention from one another. As well, what activities are not allowed under any circumstances, due to the nature, it will hinder your affection and intimacy. Say to yourself, does this element increase my attraction to my partner, create a spiritual energy for us to bond?

Also ask, does our bedroom improve our foreplay or induce a mood of romance? If not, then it needs to go. All those extras are for other spaces in the home and should be kept in those spaces and never enter the bedroom again. These just kills your sexual motivation and drive. Then creeps in bedroom death. It happens with good reason to the best of us.

As a two home income becomes more vital to family success and career objectives, couples have brought not only, a T.V. in the bedroom but also, many other devices, laptops, notebooks, cell phones, PDAs and a plethora of other mechanics used to handle work or other professional tasks not completed during the day. Family issues, or needy friends want time which may get squeezed in when its time to wind down. These with the ‘thick’ ambiance of work is sure to mute the taste for sex. You invited these elements into your sacred room. It is you who can take your bedroom back for what it was intended. Why make a situation complicated when it can be easy with just a few quick fixes.

I highly recommend these simple changes which improve your romance quotient of your bedroom space and provide a holistic place of love, passion, serenity and pleasure to mend, build or maintain a healthy intimate and sexual environment. Please give it a 90 day or 3 months span to assist you in committing to the change. This change will enhance your intimacy and sex life.

1. Set boundaries, and remove all external devices.
No T.V. or other electronics [none]—unless you are in a profession which requires you be be on call, remove the cell phone. And no excuse for on-call workers. Only answer calls intended for work, no exceptions. For parents with adolescents who may be away for the night or extended time, only pick up for the kids or an emergency that involves the kids. Leave the office stuff at the office. Cut out the mobile app game obsessions.

Do not make excuses to work in the bed, to play candy crush, to Facebook, or to check business appointments or emails in bed. Do not read in bed, unless this is time spent together doing just that and share your reading as a joint venture. Choose literature that enhances your connection. No, not business books or work books, no sneaky stuff. Learn to use foreplay directly in the bed you make love. Renew your bedroom solely for your ultimate connection of sex.

2. Decorate the room.
Give it some flair to be cohesive to an ambiance which promotes intimacy, passion and sexual desire. It should not look like the kitchen, or living room or recreation room, or even the family room. No kiddies pictures are needed in here. You have several areas of the home and hallways to designate for family pictures. Paint your room with colors which are warm or feel intimate, improve the desire for pleasure.

Make sure the bed is totally functional, secure and comfortable for sexual activities and pleasure. Key thing is lighting. Make sure it can be adjusted to low or dim when needed. In addition, pay attention to ‘sexy’ items in the bedroom candles, soft comforters, art, mirrors… etc. Clean and fresh sheets are important too. I recommend changing these weekly. A light splash of scents that arouse the senses or become a catalyst can also be an aphrodisiac. The team work taken to redecorate your room today will help spark intimacy in itself.

3. Remain disciplined and make a schedule.
Sit down and plan your bedroom needs. Make sure everyone in the home is on board with you, and respects your right to privacy. Plan an agreement. Verbally contract to not allow work time, school time, family time and or any other purposeful dedication to enter the bedroom. I understand, those with kids extend the bedroom space to the kiddies but honestly, there are other rooms more appropriate for this bonding to take place. Family room, or living room makes a grand space for family nights or early mornings of congregation and cuddling. This may be hard but try it and yes, this change will take discipline of everyone.

Make sure all others in the home know when you are in rest or quality time with one another and make it understood the limitations of barging in at this time. Lock your doors at night, and demand respect by all guests knocking on the door before entrance. Make no exceptions. One little thing which is allowable are images of the two of you that reflect love, i.e., marriage pictures or special moments. The picture may also serve the purpose of sparking romantic emotions on tense days with one glance.

4. Create people space.
This one is going to be difficult for some. NO PETS! The bedroom is absolutely not the place for the pets, OK, to make it easier … moments you are napping alone and it is something which improves your sleep perhaps … but remember sex is what I’m speaking on. When pets are brought into the bedroom, the 5 senses are then alerted. Your senses should be awaken by hormones, and pheromones … not the smell of your pet, or the dander either. Keep in mind, back to clean and fresh. Plus, what if you desire a quickie or spontaneity takes over?

Do you really want the doggie sniffing up your butt when you are in the throws of passion? Not sexy! Bedroom is people space. Couple space. Relationship intimacy needs a sexual space. too

5. Build an ambiance –

This may seem like going against the electronic devices, but yes it is a wonderful idea to add music. So if you can store this somewhere out of site and program it to play at certain times, it is an allowable cheat. But do not make the bedroom the music hall room. Going backwards. Another is electronic toys or sexual paraphernalia. Yes of course, this is terrific idea. Keep all sensual and sexual toys in a safe, secure but accessible place for those nights of spice. In this having special moments like breakfast in bed and role-play date nights in bed works well to keep the flow of sensuality in the bedroom.

At the end of the day, or the beginning it is not about perfection. It is about not getting to a place in your relationship regardless of its status where your mood no longer welcomes union, love, intimacy or pleasure. No it doesn’t need to be showroom perfect, or exactly prim…it needs to reflect whatever you like and are, what you desire and what causes arousal to one another. It should have a sense of bedroom space in order to create the moments of sexual ecstasy or spiritual intimacy. Otherwise, you are being counterproductive. The bedroom is not a communal space.

Keep all distractions or external interference out. It leads you down the path of bedroom blues and certain bedroom death. Don’t take my word for it, try it for 3 months and see the difference. If it doesn’t work, carry on as you were.


Image courtesy of Shutterstock.
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Angela Washington

Ms. Angela Reneé Washington, an International certified Sex Educator, Sex Expert, Sexuality Advocate and Relationship Counselor specializing in creating a balance of life, love, spirit and sex. She is the creator of Living Loving Initiative Systems, L.L.C., (LLIS) a comprehensive educational,  advocacy and counseling entity funded by self investment, entrepreneurial design and grass roots management.

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