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The truth about men and penis anxiety

Sex Ed

The truth about men and penis anxiety

For men, the penis is front and center, it can be seen by all who view it when his pants are down. Some men will cringe at the thought of this and others will become aroused. The thought of a woman looking at their penis, perhaps admiring it or laughing at it can arouse a man or destroy his ego. A man’s entire persona, ego, manhood, confidence can be located between his legs. Does it have to be this way, no it does not, but for most men it is!

In the book The New Male Sexuality by Bernie Zilbergeld Ph.D, it gives a perspective on what the male penis might say if given the chance to speak.

Often the penis complained mightily about not getting what it needed (a relaxed owner, a booze-free environment, proper stimulation, and so on) and resented the demands being made on it saying, You never pay attention to me unless you want something, and then you want it exactly the way you want it, and get angry and threaten me unless I comply. Half the situations you get me into scare the hell out of me. I’m not at my best when I’m scared. I want you to know that unless you pay more attention and give me what I need like more appealing and less frightening situations, you’re getting zilch. And that’s that.”

In a world where men are now surrounded by pornography, as their first real introduction to sex education, many men are left with the feeling that they just don’t compare. They often forget that these men are professionals who have above average penis size and are not performing to a live audience. For many men the pressure to perform and get it just right, is can create a problem with erections and orgasm,. Often times a man can be with a woman that he truly does desire but is unable to get an erection.

Why does this happen?

The answer is blood flow, getting the blood to flow through veins that are constricted and the heart is pushing the blood to other parts of the body triggering the fight or flight response. The more nervous a man gets the blood just leaves his penis, and that can really make him feel small.


Length of the male penis

The most accurate measurement of the human penis comes from several measurements at different times since there is naturally minor variability in size due to arousal level, time of day, room temperature, frequency of sexual activity, and reliability of measurement. Measurements vary, with studies that rely on self-measurement reporting a significantly higher average than those with staff measuring. However, the mean of an erect human penis is approximately 12.9–15.0 cm (5.1–5.9 in) in length.

Erect circumference

Similar results exist regarding studies of the circumference of the adult fully erect penis, with the measurement taken mid-shaft. As with length, studies that relied on self-measurement consistently reported a significantly higher average than those with staff measuring. In a study of penis size where measurements were taken in a laboratory setting, the average penis circumference when erect was 4.8 inches (12.3 cm).

What does this all mean?

Men that feel bad about their penis, who are anxious about performing, who ejaculate too quickly or cannot get an erection or keep it, most are products of the idea that a man always has to be ready to perform sexually. This is the one defining factor that most men will feel when dealing with a sexual dysfunction. Once a man can understand that he is not supposed to always initiate sex, that he is not the one who has to perform all the time, or that sex has to be serious. Sex is, about having fun without the pressure to perform. For help with sexual issues there is, self-esteem coaching, sex education, and help from a certified clinical sexologist, these professionals can help with resolving these issues. Size is really a matter of how a man feels about himself, and the partners he chooses to be with. Size really does not matter if a man is not able to get or maintain an erection, because he is anxious about the size of his penis?

Understanding that sex is not just about penetration, but intimacy, love and feeling good, then the pressure to perform should be taken away. When the pressure is no longer there to perform than a man can be at ease knowing that if his penis is performing or not he can still give pleasure and receive pleasure…..and in the end his penis may just rise to the occasion!

 This article has been republished with permission from Dr. Dawn Michael.

Image courtesy of Shutterstock
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Dr. Dawn Michael

Dawn is a Certified Clinical Sexologist and Intimacy Counselor. Her proven techniques have helped thousands of couples to not only improve their sex lives but the intimacy in their marriage as well. Promoting healthy sexuality and sex positive views for couples and individuals is one of Dawn’s passions. Dawn uses a holistic approach with her patients providing help with sexual dysfunction, age related sexual health, lack of desire and hormone related issues, working with other practitioners to find solutions to all sexual related problems.

Dawn is a public speaker and educator providing information on women’s and men’s sexual health issues. She is a professional member of the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) and The Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality (SSSS). Dawn is presently completing her doctoral studies at The Institute For Advanced Study of Human Sexuality.

A professional writer with several hundred published articles in the field of human sexuality, relationships, and sexual health. She has been a featured guest on the Ricki Lake show, Dr. Susan Block show, Playboy Radio, Howard Bragman radio, Houzz publications, Corset Magazine, Your Health Connection Magazine, PsychCentral, eHarmoney, Wellness and YourTango to name a few. Dawn is a writer for the L.A. Love & Marriage Examiner.

Get in touch with Dawn via email at


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