How to Pick Up and Satisfy A MILF

All of us ladies think about getting laid, regardless of whether or not we’re married. While most just won’t admit it, here is what works for me.

First

DO NOT appear shy or timid because I want to be fucked, and fucked well. I don’t want to have to teach a class, so show me a good time once we’re there.

Second

DO NOT be overly aggressive  or a jerk and start off your conversation with who you know or what you own. MILFs are more concerned with getting laid than you knowing the president, although trust me they also do not want a guy living under a bridge either, so be casual in your discussions about what you do. A great smile and a wink does get my attention.

Third

NEVER be CHEAP. You don’t have to buy me a new Porsche 911 but if we’re at a nightclub, you better put the drinks on your tab or you’re toast. And if we’re at a nightclub, ask me for a dance as it gets me warmed up.

Four

Don’t push me for a number (I’m married remember?). Offer me your number instead or where i can find you (I will track you down if I’m interested). Ooops, this should be towards the top of this list LOL. If you’re not well dressed, forget it. Dressing casually or even a hot suit gets my attention, not a guy with his baseball hat on backwards. By all means, be well groomed and smell great. Try to hold it down (loud guy’s really turn me off) unless we’re fucking.

Fifth

Be in shape. Being in shape is not really the case with me, even though I love guys who are in shape, their personality means most and you do not have to look like Brad Pitt to get with me (but that would be nice LOL). Nonetheless, if you have expectations of the MILF you’re picking up, you ought to meet our requirements too.

After we’ve made it through the first phase and we’re heading towards the bedroom, now comes the most critical part. Your eyes. If you do not look me square in the eyes and speak, you’re toast. Again, i don’t want some guy looking all over the restaurant when he talks to me and if he does that, he has something to hide. I was a bartender and I’m better qualified than most therapists on liars and if I catch you in a fib, it’s see ya baby. Besides, I’m married and I never hide the fact that I am, so you guys better not either.

Oh you can be married but don’t give me this BS about your wife sleeping in the other room or she doesn’t understand you (boo hoo!) because I won’t buy it. We both know why we’re chatting so let’s cut the BS to a minimum … so as I leave, ask me to lunch somewhere semi-private and kiss me. Not overly passionate, but a nice kiss so i can feel your firm arms and always compliment me and that you must see me again … girls love hearing it, I know I do.

Congratulations, you’ve passed all the steps and we’ve communicated over the next few days or weeks and been to lunch a few times. So let’s now fuck but where are we going to? Obviously, we’re not going to my house and if you’re single and we get to your place and it’s a wreck, I’ll turn around and leave, guaranteed. For men who are single, clean up the place (and yes I’ll check the bathroom) and if you’re married, NO WAY are we going to your place or your buddy’s apartment. So the option left is (you want to impress me remember) a 5-star resort which will work and one with a beach (I’m in FL).  And if none of those are available, it’s the Hilton Suites or equivalent (we’re not heading to the motel 6).

Once we’re there (you’ll be arriving first), have our dinner reservations taken care of and a nice bottle of wine waiting with two glasses (not cups). If it’s our first encounter, some flowers would be nice. Then it’s off for a romantic dinner and back for some HOT action and it better be good or you may have just seen the last of your MILF.

I’m old school, I love doors opened for me, flowers, cards, and hot hot sex.

Image courtesy of Sally D’Angelo
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