Sometimes, the opportunity to get lucky comes when you least expect it and we’re pretty sure your place is anything but available, with your folks sleeping right next door. The handicap cubicle doesn’t quite cut it either. That then leaves you with the only option of testing the waters and gauging her reaction towards getting a room; while you’re totally comfortable in your own skin as a man-slut, the ladies don’t exactly feel the same way going for a quickie at a cheap hotel. You had best be prepared for one luxurious f*ck at Marina Bay Sands or something.
How do we test the waters? Instead of telling her you have a dancing cat to exhibit, casually suggest the two of you should bounce off to another ‘fun place’. She’ll get the hint. Hopefully.
So congrats, fella. You sealed the deal. But this is the one time you should save the Thank-You’s: she’s not a hooker. Even so, you wouldn’t really say something like this would you? The both of you needn’t be reminded of how the whole wham-bam is one big transaction.
If there is an indispensable nugget of wisdom that we HAVE to dispense, it would be this: be safe. It is your responsibility to keep the STDs at bay, and it is also YOUR responsibility to keep the lady from an unwanted Mother’s Day (speaking of which, it’s right round the corner). Keep a condom in your wallet at all times like an insurance policy.
Because we have an implicit trust with you, we have unanimously decided not to insert a picture of decaying privates over here.
If you are the host…
a) With a stroke of luck, nobody’s home. The place is yours, for now. You don’t quite have the time to do last minute spring cleaning, so make sure your bedroom is as sleek and neat as the one you see up there. No one likes making the beast with two backs in a sty, and we mean no one.
b) If she’s staying over, offer some basic toiletries. The morning after, have some freshly brewed coffee ready. She’ll appreciate a little homemade perk-me-up, and you can bet it’ll keep her coming back, you tiger (*wink).
c) If she isn’t, offer to get her a taxi home. With the “Easy Taxi” app on the app store, staying in an obscure area is no longer an excuse to leave her out on her own.
If you are the guest…
a) Sure, it’s a no-strings-attached one night of fun and we know you’re dying to scoot off right after to catch some BPL. But you don’t necessarily have to make her feel cheap about herself. Unless she makes it absolutely crystal clear she’s not the type who cuddles. Whatever the case, at least let her know you have an early morning tomorrow and offer to keep in touch.
b) If you’re staying over, well, enjoy the repeat performance.
This article and all associated images have been republished with permission from Seriously Man.