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Sex is Supposed to be Fun; Isn’t It?


Sex is Supposed to be Fun; Isn’t It?

I am stating the obvious when I say that sex is all about having a giggle and enjoying each other. Aint’t I? Apparently not.

I was chatting to a guy on GROWLr (GRINDr for Bears—a sub-culture within gay culture— or what I prefer to call ‘GRINDr for nice people’. I find GRINDr and most of the other gay sites/apps cruel and excluding but that is a whole other article … ) and we got onto the subject of sex, of course and I flew into a friendly rant on sexual energy and what exactly happens to that heat you feel in the base of your spine and perineum (between your genitals and ass/arse) when you have sex. The guy who I was chatting to told me that he often gets the giggles ‘post-orgasm’ and I explained that this was the sexual energy shooting up from the root chakra (that heat spot I mentioned. Can you feel it now? I thought you might) and out through his heart in the middle of his chest—the heart chakra—and this quite simply makes us giggle and/or cry. It is more common for women to burst into tears during or post-climax for this reason and yes, not that I wish to stereotype but it is often the case that women are more in touch with their emotions and thus cry more easily and that sexual energy (which is associated with our emotions) has more of a free rein causing all sorts of pleasant and sometimes unpleasant responses and reactions.

So… the guy who I was chatting to then told me that he felt ‘less silly’ because I had explained it and also confessed to thinking that sex should be ‘a giggle’ and ‘about having fun’. Don’t we all think this? Don’t you realise that you really aren’t supposed to be taking this too seriously and did you know that even if you and/or your Mrs/Mr burst into tears during sex you can still enjoy it?

Allow me to give you an example … you knew this was cumming, didn’t you? And you also knew that I was going to deliberately misspell coming because, well, I just cannot resist the naughtiness …

Once upon a kink session with an ex boyfriend of mine, I was kneeling upon the four poster bed in a classy Gay Bed and Breakfast in Blackpool. My hands were tied behind my back and I was pleasuring my beloved by tonguing his balls and doing whatever he demanded of me (within the boundaries we had previously negotiated—this is how to do kink safely and with complete trust. We also used the ‘Traffic Light’ code but we’ll go into that another time…) when I suddenly became very still because ‘something’ happened. I cannot describe fully the ‘something’ other than invert the words because it was, well, almost mystical. I went from ‘Yes Sir, thank you Sir’ mode to being completely silent and from licking his manhood to absolute stillness.

He sensed something.
We both felt ‘something’.
Everything stopped.

I’ll call my ex Richard, Richard ceased his orders of ‘Do you know how honoured you are to worship me boy?’ and other such ‘insults’ to being as silent as me. He gently untied my hands and just lay there and I maintained my position, on my knees, curled up with my face in his crotch just allowing this ‘something’ to do its thing.

Then I burst into tears.
I sobbed from an old place and felt like a child again.
It was delightful.

I clambered from my place between his legs and rested upon his chest. He held me, stroked me and kissed my forehead.

“Feel better?” Richard asked, as my tears fell away and I became giggly.

“Much. Thank you. You’re amazing” I beamed with love into his moist eyes, we de-kinked (removed my leather straps, collar, jock and boots) and spooned for the remainder of the evening.

We did not discuss the tears. We didn’t need to. We giggled, tickled, nestled and warmed ourselves in the knowledge that the sex session had been fun, emotional and what it needed to be.

Here’s to your intimate adventures … you never know what might happen.

Image courtesy of Shutterstock
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Matt Chase

Matt Chase is a Sex Worker and Writer with professional training in Counselling and Psychotherapy. He is also an ex-nurse and so you can imagine how he makes the business of sex interesting. He believes that Sex Work is a Caring Profession. Matt, who is known as ‘Matt-at-Lotus’ to his clients, specialises in helping men to connect emotionally using touch, kink, breathing exercises and horny adventures. Matt believes passionately that you can make love on a one night stand and encourages men to explore this belief by putting it into practice. He works as a professional Escort, Sex Worker, Sexual Masseur and also writes on Sex and Relationships, Kink, Connecting Emotionally and Mental Health. He blogs at: and can be found at: He is based in Manchester UK and travels internationally.


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