You’re probably familiar with the concept of a bucket list. It’s a list of things you want to do before you kick the bucket (in other words, things you want to experience before you die). A few years ago, I was watching a video of a woman riding a Sybian and immediately knew that was something I needed to try in my lifetime. That night, my sex bucket list (SBL) was born. What’s on that list isn’t as important as the liberation that comes from acknowledging my fantasies and my sexual desires, and giving myself permission to dream and explore.
So, what kinds of things might go on an SBL? Mine includes things like:
– Ride a Sybian.
– Be in an adult film with porn star James Deen.
– Attend a sex camp or a sex resort with a lover.
– Get double penetrated by a lover when he is wearing the Deuce harness by Spareparts.
– Have sex in the ocean.
– Try a full blown tantric ritual.
I may never do some of the things on my list, either because the opportunity never arises or because, when push came to shove, I wouldn’t have the courage to follow through with it. Additionally, other things aren’t particularly practical. But practicality isn’t the point. The point is to think big and bold and wild (your version of big and bold and wild— don’t compare your list to anyone else’s). The point is to use your imagination, to dare to put yourself in sex situations that are outside your normal day-to-day experience. An SBL gives you permission to embrace the erotic and delve into new spaces, safely.
Your SBL might be a way for you to document your favorite fantasies. Each time you see a porn video that you love or a sexy image of something you want to try, add that activity to your list. Another fun thing is for you and a partner to share your SBLs with each other to find new and exciting ways to ramp up your sex life. I might never make a porn with James Deen, but that doesn’t mean my lover and I can’t act one out or role play a favorite scene in front of a camera at home.
Sex isn’t about practicalities or obligations. Sex is about adult playtime, using your imagination, and finding new ways to create pleasure. Don’t put limits or restrictions on your SBL. Make it your own—anything from learning how to give a great blow job to trying anal, from hiring a Dominatrix to humiliate you to making love to someone special.
The only rule I have for SBLs is this: never shame or judge what’s on your list or what’s on someone else’s list. It takes courage to name our fantasies and sexual desires, especially if we’re diving deep and exploring stuff that’s not often considered “normal” by society. Now pull out a piece of paper or your favorite note-taking app and start fantasizing. Feeling brave? Share an item or two from your SBL in the comments below. Maybe your item will inspire someone else’s fantasy.