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Are You Connecting Emotionally When Having Sex?


Are You Connecting Emotionally When Having Sex?

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By Matt-at-Lotus

As you may or may not know, I am a professional sex worker and writer. I also happen to be trained in counselling and psychotherapy and no, I’m not just showing off (okay maybe a little) I am merely letting you know that I know a little about, you know, stuff.

When I was working full time as a therapist in private practice, I saw lots of couples and often saw singles who were having ‘bad’ sex. The stories were different but actually the same, allow me to paraphrase: ‘We go to bed at night and she just isn’t interested. She turns away and I have to jerk myself off’. Hmmm … and followed by: ‘I met this guy on the net and all he wanted me to do was shove a courgette up his arse’. Double hmmm …

This is a common affliction for straights, gays, bi’s and those in between—we have no fucking idea what intimacy really means. Allow me to give you a (slightly graphic) example:

A few weeks ago, I was called to a hotel to do an ‘outcall’ for a gentleman who found himself unexpectedly in the city and so, had a few hours to kill. “Be as kinky as you like” he said on the telephone before the booking. “I like leather”, he hinted as I chatted to him, took his deposit and packed my ‘outcall bag’ (massage oil, condoms, lube, tissues, shoe laces, cock rings etc.) and booked my taxi using the other phone. Multi-tasking is my forte.

When I arrived at the hotel, the gentleman opened the door wearing just a bath towel and greeted me with a lovely smile and a glint in his eye. Once in his room and following my safety text to a friend, I opened my bag of tricks and his eyes lit up.

“Now I am going to open the condom packet and lube just in case but this is a go-with-the-flow kind of service so don’t get your hopes up”, I set the stage for the following two hours (and reaffirmed the wordings of my website) as I put on my leather harness and proceeded to tie the gentleman’s balls with a red shoe lace.

Then I kissed him.

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Matt Chase

Matt Chase is a Sex Worker and Writer with professional training in Counselling and Psychotherapy. He is also an ex-nurse and so you can imagine how he makes the business of sex interesting. He believes that Sex Work is a Caring Profession. Matt, who is known as ‘Matt-at-Lotus’ to his clients, specialises in helping men to connect emotionally using touch, kink, breathing exercises and horny adventures. Matt believes passionately that you can make love on a one night stand and encourages men to explore this belief by putting it into practice. He works as a professional Escort, Sex Worker, Sexual Masseur and also writes on Sex and Relationships, Kink, Connecting Emotionally and Mental Health. He blogs at: and can be found at: He is based in Manchester UK and travels internationally.


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