What is ‘Love’ ?

Love. Doesn’t it seem that ‘love’ can have a life of its own?  Love seems to change, grow, shrink, dissolve, or even fade away at times. Sometimes it seems to just simply vanish or disappear? Why it that? And why does ‘love’ seem to be so elusive for so many people?

Yes, sadly it is the case that when you first meet that other person who will be (or is supposed to be) the other 50% of your relationship, they usually put up what I call ‘the representative self’. By this, I mean you see the better side of that person … usually. After a while when you get to know them a little better, that mask can come off. Some people of course, have the ‘what you see is what you get’ and if you don’t like it, you can leave any time you like.  At least they’re honest right? No false pretenses, no bling bling, no image to maintain, and no representative self.

Ok. Now back to “love”. How many times have we heard, “Yes, but I love him/her!”  Or how about, “I am so in love”?  On the flip side there’s “I don’t love him/her anymore. I want out of this relationship.”

Whenever I hear anybody talk about ‘love’ in relationships such as marriage, boyfriend/girlfriend etc, I wonder what that person’s actual definition of ‘love’ is? Have you ever wondered that? Have you ever asked yourself that question and given yourself an honest answer? Sometimes, getting the answer involves peeling off some layers of what you are and knowing your likes and dislikes. It also involves knowing your own shortcomings and being honest enough with yourself to acknowledge them. Before any change or changes can be made, one first needs to acknowledge those areas where one can improve upon. Of course, there are those individuals who believe they are perfect and need to change nothing about themselves. My advice is to not get too close to such individuals because nothing is ever their fault.

Take a moment and think about the following. If you were mugged on the streets, would you ‘fall in love’ with that thief? Of course not. Why? Because that person did something that was not pleasant to you. Remember, we like/love those things that please us. In other words, we like/love what fills our wants and needs.

Now this is where it can get a little tricky but it can be much much easier if you go into a relationship knowing your ‘self’, your likes and dislikes, and what your wants and needs are. This can also be applied to all other circumstances in life. It can help you to avoid toxic relationships or to make better career choices, hobbies, special interests, and to create a productive circle of friends.

So once you have established just what you like and dislike for the individual ‘you’, you can begin to lay the foundation of your definition of ‘love’. Hopefully it is not superficial in that you are only focused on what that other person can do for you. A relationship will fail at some point in time if it is all take and no give. And hopefully it is not based upon materialism or helping to prop up an image for yourself.  A healthy relationship is made of gives and takes while growing and maturing at the same time.

A very important aspect of a healthy, loving relationship is when one feels great pleasure in doing something for the other. If one simply takes, takes, takes, and offers nothing or next to nothing in return … then I would have to say that that is not ‘love’. That is simply a ‘what can I get out of it?’ and it is built on very shaky ground. Some may even call it usury.

So, is there a universal definition of “love” that can be used as a foundation in relationships? I believe there is. I know my definition and I’d like to hear yours or any comments from you, the readers.

Image courtesy of Shutterstock
Do not miss another article on SimplySxy!  Follow us on Facebook and Twitter for our latest updates!