Earlier this week, we started this post off with the first 20 mistakes men make while having sex now we’re wrapping up with the next 20.
Ladies, we’re pretty sure you’ve definitely come across some of these and guys, you’d want to pay attention.
21) NOT COMING SOON ENOUGH
It may appear to you that humping for an hour without climaxing is the mark of a sex god, but to her it’s more likely the mark of a numb vagina. At least buy some intriguing wall hangings, so she has something to hold her interest while you’re playing Marathon Man.
22) ASKING IF SHE HAS COME
You really ought to be able to tell. Most women make noise. But if you really don’t know, don’t ask.
23) PERFORMING ORAL SEX TOO GENTLY
Don’t act like a giant cat at a saucer of milk. Get your whole mouth down there, and concentrate on gently rotating or flicking your tongue on her clitoris.
24) NUDGING HER HEAD DOWN
Men persist in doing this until she’s eyeball-to-penis, hoping that it will lead very swiftly to mouth-to-penis. All women hate this. It’s about three steps from being dragged to a cave by their hair. If you want her to use her mouth, use yours; try talking seductively to her.
25) NOT WARNING HER BEFORE YOU CLIMAX
Sperm tastes like sea water mixed with egg white. Not everybody likes it. When she’s performing oral sex, warn her before you come so she can do what’s necessary.
26) MOVING AROUND DURING FELLATIO
Don’t thrust. She’ll do all the moving during fellatio. You just lie there. And don’t grab her head.
27) TAKING ETIQUETTE ADVICE FROM PORN MOVIES
In X-rated movies, women seem to love it when men ejaculate over them. In real life, it just means more laundry to do.
28) MAKING HER RIDE ON TOP FOR AGES
Asking her to be on top is fine. Lying there grunting while she does all the hard work is not. Caress her gently, so that she doesn’t feel quite so much like the captain of a schooner. And let her have a rest.
29) ATTEMPTING ANAL SEX AND PRETENDING IT WAS AN ACCIDENT
This is how men earn a reputation for not being able to follow directions. If you want to put it there, ask her first. And don’t think that being drunk is an excuse.
30) TAKING PICTURES
When a man says, “Can I take a photo of you?” she’ll hear the words “__to show my buddies.” At least let her have custody of them.
31) NOT BEING IMAGINATIVE ENOUGH
Imagination is anything from drawing patterns on her back to pouring honey on her and licking it off. Fruit, vegetables, ice and feathers are all handy props; hot candle wax and permanent dye are a no no.
32) SLAPPING YOUR STOMACH AGAINST HERS
There is no less erotic noise. It’s as sexy as a belching contest.
33) ARRANGING HER IN STUPID POSES
If she wants to do advanced yoga in bed, fine, but unless she’s a Romanian gymnast, don’t get too ambitious. Ask yourself if you want a sexual partner with snapped hamstrings.
34) LOOKING FOR HER PROSTATE
Read this carefully: Anal stimulation feels good for men because they have a prostate. Women don’t.
35) GIVING LOVE BITES
It is highly erotic to exert some gentle suction on the sides of the neck, if you do it carefully. No woman wants to have to wear turtlenecks and jaunty scarves for weeks on end.
36) BARKING INSTRUCTIONS
Don’t shout encouragement like a coach with a megaphone. It’s not a big turn-on.
37) TALKING DIRTY
It makes you sound like a lonely magazine editor calling a 1-900 line. If she likes nasty talk, she’ll let you know.
38) NOT CARING WHETHER SHE COMES
You have to finish the job. Keep on trying until you get it right, and she might even do the same for you.
39) SQUASHING HER
Men generally weigh more than women, so if you lie on her a bit too heavily, she will turn blue.
40) THANKING HER
Never thank a woman for having sex with you. Your bedroom is not a soup kitchen.